Morality
by SwordStitcher
Summary: [Reader-Insert] The Survey Corps are back, but after a disastrous escort to the wall, you're not all there emotionally. The unlikeliest of help attempts to fix things.


I jumped on the bandwagon. *cries* There's probably a ton of mistakes.

If you didn't notice, this is a reader insert and Levi sucks at this kind of thing.

_Random disclaimer._

* * *

'They're all dead.'

You repeated the words, but they made no more impact. It was almost as though you'd uttered a different sentence.

'They're dead.' You heaved a sigh. Oh god you wanted a drink. You wanted a drink _so badly_. But you didn't drink anymore, did you? Learned that lesson, closed that account. But god- The tea didn't even make a dent in your pain.

You played with the cup idly as faces appeared in your mind's eye, both before and after. The latter was always more crimson than you'd admittedly liked.

The room was quiet, everyone had long ago left for bed, but even before that they'd avoided you. Though the hall had been packed more than usual with the Garrison hosting the tired and traumatized Scouting Corps soldiers, the table you'd occupied for most of the day and late into tonight had remained empty.

Hell you were meant to be a fucking team leader. They put their trust in you! Now they're dead.

All because the fucking Military Police chickened out.

It was meant to be simple, escorting the Survey Corps back from an expedition. A joint endeavour from the Garrison and the MPs. It was meant to be textbook.

Fuck, it had been your team in the most danger; they were on point, the furthest out into titan space.

It was Michael Drückeberger, she was sure, that little worm had ordered his team to retreat, despite the fact that not every cart had made it into the wall. A cart full of injured soldiers, people unable to fight and defend themselves, was still in dangerous territory, they'd fucking retreated and left your team with a horrible choice. They were meant to wait for you and retreat together, falling back on each other, and they'd just run out on your small team and these shell-shocked kids.

You'd made a terrible decision, the wrong one tactically but the right one morally. They were going to escort the cart to the wall, and lord help them, it was going to be rough.

The main bulk of the Survey Corps had passed some time ago, and that was trouble in itself, they'd drawn titans to them like moths to flame. The route was littered with Aberrants and normal titans, looking for humans to devour like candy.

It would have helped if your team had questioned their orders, asked if you were sure, showed some outward sign that this didn't set well with them, but they hadn't. They'd just accepted the decision with some fear, but absolute determination.

_And now they're all dead. _

_Some fucking team leader I am. I should have told them to take the rooftops, get out while they can._

A finger dipped gently into the cup and swirled the disgustingly lukewarm tea.

'Tch.'

You snapped out of it and sat back. Someone was sat across the other side of the table, staring at you. How long had he been there?

'You haven't been listening to a word I've said have you, [Last]?'

You frowned. He was instantly recognisable. Humanities strongest soldier. You'd seen him once or twice, as you criss-crossed the buildings, ensuring he and the rest of the expedition were unharmed during their exits and returns to the wall. Lance Corporal Levi.

'How do you know my name?'

'Tch. You idiot. One of the wounded told me.'

_Abrasive little shit, isn't he?_

You had neither time nor inclination to let his insults affect you, especially right now.

'Do you know what time it is, brat?'

'Don't care.' To avoid talking any more to the little shit, you picked up your cup and took a sip of the now thoroughly cold brew.

'Tch. He told me what happened.'

You winced, remembering bloody rags, stumps and hollow, terrified faces. How could you, a sane thinking person, just leave these pathetic things to die for any reason never mind to save your own skin? They, and you could see it clearly, they expected you to leave them to die. They'd accepted it. No-one should have to accept death. Not for a king, not for a wall, not for anything. You remembered making the decision, _- Oudou going down first-_

'Oi, [First]!'

You snapped back with a jerk as a hand reached out and shook your shoulder, your fingers automatically slackened into a familiar pose, ready to intercept an attack. The cup slipped from them and smashed on the floor, tea spread along the stone easily as you muttered a curse and stood.

_Of all the times to do something as trivial as break a cup-_

As you rummaged around for a cloth, the memories assaulted you, one after the other.

Oudou went down first with a scream and foolishly, Keller had tried to intercept the titan that was eating him, probably trying to save him. She went down to a second that had followed behind the first. Two soldiers down already and three left including you. You saw another comrade, Daansk, wavering between assistance and staying his course.

'Keep going!' You called out. 'There's nothing more we can do for them! Only intercept titans if they threaten the cart or they're in the way!'

With the shift in numbers, you reshuffled the formation. With you on the left, Daansk on the right and Li on the cart, calling out positions from ground level you trundled along, the noise of the cart and horses were drawing the titans to you, you didn't have long before you were going to have to engage.

_We can do this. We can do it. We're not leaving these people to die_!

And then, more bad luck. An aberrant had recognised the sounds of the cart and was running towards it; it was barrelling straight down the street towards you.

Well shit, it wasn't your day. You were going to have to engage. Your eyes found Li and she nodded, understanding the look. One to distract, one to slice. The most dangerous job would be yours, as team leader you held the most responsibility and as such, should take the most risk. At least, you always thought so. You darted past it's line of sight and as it followed and reached for you, Li took the opportunity to latch on and attack. In seconds it tumbled onto a low lying building and lay still.

It was then that you noticed Daansk was missing. It took seconds to find him, dangling lifelessly from a building, his lower half missing, his intestines falling into the tiles. You hadn't even heard him die. The titan responsible ignored the rest of his remains, instead choosing to chase the cart speeding away. Before you even had a chance to intercept it, Li already had. A chunk of flesh as tall as you flew into the air and it collapsed in the street, as dead as Daansk now was.

The distance only seemed to grow with Daansk's death, Li took up his position, now two of you left and you were nearing the wall where the bulk of the titans had gathered, hoping to get in_._

There were a lot more here, hiding amongst the buildings, but thankfully they were all concentrated on the soldiers that lined the walls.

_We've got to make it, we're going to make it! _

The sweet sounds of 3DMG shattered the quiet as soldiers on the wall had finally spotted you and the cart and were preparing to help you into the gate.

_We're good, we've made it. _

'Li, We did it! We've made it!'

You turned, looking for your last comrade, but she wasn't on the parallel building. For a second, your heart stopped beating as you looked wildly for her; all you could see was a bloodstain on a roof and one lone arm.

_No….No. Not right now. We were so close, she was so close!_

The cart skidded into the gate as you went up and over the white façade and landed smoothly on your beloved wall. The last survivor_. _

You returned to the table with a cloth, only to find that Levi had already picked up all the shards and disposed of them.

You blotted up what was left of the tea and sat down heavily with a sigh.

Levi had resumed his staring act and it looked like he wasn't planning on giving it up at any time, which irritated the shit out of you.

'What are you staring at?' You asked.

'I'm staring at a wreck of a soldier who blames herself for something she had no control over.' He answered plainly.

That speared straight through your defences. Of all the things you'd thought he'd say, to say you had no control over what happened was just…Ridiculous!

'No control?' You hissed dangerously. 'No control?! I could have left them to die!'

'Like that shithead Drückeberger left you?'

Your mouth ground to a halt.

'You made a decision. It turned out badly for you, but it meant a lot more people lived. You had a choice, whether to leave them to die or rescue them and you chose the human option, [First].'

'Then why do I feel like a cold blooded murderer?' You asked softly.

'Because to save those lives, you had to sacrifice your friends.' He answered honestly. 'And that is a harder thing to bear.'

He turned away from you, looking into space and you got the distinct feeling that he was speaking from experience.

Oh god you really did want a drink.

'If I ever get hold of that coward…' You snarled.

Was it the poor lighting, or did Levi have a smirk on his face? You had to be imagining it. 'Would that get you out of your empty head?'

'It'd make me feel better.' You replied sullenly.

This time, there was no denying it, he _laughed_. 'Get some fresh air [Last]. You never know what you'll find.'

His tone was curiously confident, but you followed the suggestion.

Out in the courtyard you drew in an icy breath and tried to stop your blood fizzing in anger.

You stepped further out and felt your boot connect with something sticky. It groaned in the darkness and as your eyes adjusted to the night you had to let out a cold laugh.

Drückeberger had been well and truly thrashed. To within an inch of his life you guessed. Nothing seemed untouched. One bleary, bloodshot eye blinked open and looked up at you. He screamed through the gag and tried to wriggle away, which only made you laugh harder.

Another laugh joined yours, you turned and found Levi leaned against the doorframe. 'Worm.' He muttered. 'Hardly put up a fight.'

Which just made you laugh all the harder. Hard enough for tears to stream down your face and your knees to give way. Hard enough for your chest to ache, hard enough to make you feel that if you didn't laugh until you couldn't breathe, you never would again so you kept on laughing until the tears finally ended and the laughter petered out. You felt…Lighter. Stronger emotionally than you had been.

Maybe there was hope after all. Not everything was lost to the titans.


End file.
